Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
