Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
