I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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