Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
