By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
