he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
