weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
