He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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