And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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