The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
