so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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