Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
