he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
