It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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