last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
