it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
