He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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