I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
