I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
