This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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