I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
