just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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