Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
