i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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