I just saw a hot homeless man
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
