'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
