the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
