I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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