Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
