im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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