you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She bit a glass in half.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's blow job season.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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