i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
