I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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