we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
