just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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