Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I looked at my own cervix.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
