apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
