did you get engaged???
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
