Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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