that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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