I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
