Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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