Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
