So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't put those talents on a resume
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
