sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
