do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
