we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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