"it" just moved
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
