I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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