Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
