hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
only if we run a train.
done.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
